You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
