I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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