when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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