plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
