Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
