Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
