I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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