Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i came on her dog
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
FUCK WHALES
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
