I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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