In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
