the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
