My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
