I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.