She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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