My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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