I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
