i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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