Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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