I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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