are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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