it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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