I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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