I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
