I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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