who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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