Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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