You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
