AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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