I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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