WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.