He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow