Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.

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  (413): I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets. http://tfl.nu/8b9j
  Replies (11) Good night (5252) Bad night (1140)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  hahaha! you have a girlfriend

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...

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  (520): hahaha! you have a girlfriend (1-520): tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today... http://tfl.nu/4wx1
  Replies (20) Good night (4364) Bad night (1310)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.

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  (513): you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that. http://tfl.nu/6e0s
  Replies (11) Good night (670) Bad night (4448)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.

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  (413): then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man. http://tfl.nu/6mq0
  Replies (39) Good night (1030) Bad night (11220)
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  (805): View more from California

  He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.

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  (805): He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head. http://tfl.nu/up5g
  Replies (17) Good night (5875) Bad night (949)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.

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  (231): You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide. http://tfl.nu/t1va
  Replies (11) Good night (4271) Bad night (993)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge

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  (514): maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge http://tfl.nu/8cfm
  Replies (15) Good night (3882) Bad night (1379)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.

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  (+44): Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out. http://tfl.nu/bww1
  Replies (11) Good night (5676) Bad night (876)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.

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  (208): She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement. http://tfl.nu/tf3a
  Replies (6) Good night (2507) Bad night (980)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.

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  (816): You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do. http://tfl.nu/w9t3
  Replies (5) Good night (1986) Bad night (602)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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  (512): He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns". http://tfl.nu/398g
  Replies (12) Good night (2564) Bad night (939)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,

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  (309): Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning, http://tfl.nu/hwbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1048) Bad night (834)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.

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  (402): Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans. (605): Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon. http://tfl.nu/v291
  Replies (1) Good night (741) Bad night (417)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..

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  (315): I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together.. http://tfl.nu/z4t0
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (186)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.

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  (630): dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times. http://tfl.nu/etvm
  Replies (3) Good night (542) Bad night (340)

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