I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness