Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.