just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?