i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
