I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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