why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
