Duck Duck Cougar?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
