I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
