I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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