I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
