If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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