you have to choose: penises or morals?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
