My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
