I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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