So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
