Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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