Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
