Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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