i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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