She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
