Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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