i would punch a child for taco bell
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
