Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
