Screwed.edu
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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