Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
