Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
