i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
