Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
