so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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