ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
