And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
