Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
