and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
