2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
