its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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