Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
