My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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