One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
