Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
