she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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