I'm eating all of the evidence.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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