My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
