She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
