if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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