Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ok first of all what the fuck
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
