HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
